Okay, you may remember that I worked as a groom for a while before going to vet school. Let's call my bosses Susan (Olympic rider) and Jennifer (Susan's romantic/business partner), and their stable the Narnia farm.
Susan had a habit of stating exactly what she was thinking:
"TERRRRRRRRIBLE! That was TERRRRRRRRRIBLE!!!" - after a student jumped a fence
"A good horseman would have done it quickly, without making a big deal out of it!" - to me, after I adjusted a horse's flash noseband
"Yeah...you're a wimp."
"Do you speak English?"
Often ringside, publicly, at large horse shows:
"You're a paid professional! This isn't Pony Club!"
"MOTHERFUCKER! Get your act together!"
Actually, Jennifer had a similar habit:
"A fucking stallion? I mean, that's what he does, right?"
"You like my pants? The old Gap pants that come right up to your boobs?"
"Nothing like shoeing on a wet mat." - Farrier
"Yeah, but you've got these big nipples!" - Jennifer
"I'm not having all this sex in my barn! Tighten up!"
"I love a clean barn. It really turns me on."
"Just do my balls."
"It's a fucking blower! Excuse me."
"Fucking golf carts! Oh, hi Amanda."
Granted, we grooms said some strange things ourselves:
"It's like he shits through a cheese grater!"
"You can't polish a turd and make it a diamond."
"Please refrain from demolishing my face."
"C'mon, vacuum! Pull your shit together!"
"Hey, do you remember what to do when the walker says, 'FOOL' and stops working?"
"Is that a Sour Patch Kid on the windshield wiper? [it was, actually]"
"How much shit can you fit in the shitter...[singing]"
"I can't imagine what I would do if I got my pants torn off by a horse." - Alacrity
"I've gotten my pants torn off, but not by a horse." - Farrier
Ah, memories! Don't you want to work there? It was pretty awesome.