Here are some things that are true about my place of residence:
1. All the scissors in the apartment are bandage scissors.
2. There is a stethoscope hanging next to the door.
3. Some of my shoes have bloodstains on them.
4. There is a veritable herd of hemostats.
5. The number for the direct line to the ICU is hanging on the fridge.
6. Some of my pants have bleached cuffs.
7. Occasionally, blood tubes will turn up in random locations (such as the bottom of my tool bag).
8. There is an approximately three inch stack of oncology papers on my desk.
9. A fluid rate calculating wheel is peeking out from between books on the bookshelf.
10. You would not believe the number of highlighters.
Showing posts with label pens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pens. Show all posts
the more you know...
In rounds this morning:
My boss: "Wait everybody! This is important. How would you survive on a desert island with nothing but a Bic pen?"
Overnight doctor: "Hey, can we move along?"
My boss: "No. How would you survive?"
(silence)
My boss: "You would use the shaft of the pen to funnel salt water into your butthole! Your colon would absorb the water, but not the sodium or the chloride. You could drink without getting salt poisoning. Cool, huh?"
My boss: "Wait everybody! This is important. How would you survive on a desert island with nothing but a Bic pen?"
Overnight doctor: "Hey, can we move along?"
My boss: "No. How would you survive?"
(silence)
My boss: "You would use the shaft of the pen to funnel salt water into your butthole! Your colon would absorb the water, but not the sodium or the chloride. You could drink without getting salt poisoning. Cool, huh?"
the pen is mightier than the (whatever):
Let's talk about pens.
Pens are obviously necessary, and I lose them all the time. So does everyone else. Mostly they fall out of my pockets, or I set them down somewhere and then forget them. Or a resident takes my pen and never gives it back*.
Occasionally, pens fall into the enterotomy bucket. And sometimes (apparently) this happens:
I'm not entirely sure how. Anyway! I've developed some rules about pens.
Alacrity's Six Rules of Pen Management and Lending:
1. Have multiple pens. The composition of a good pen-stable is outlined herein:
2. At least one should be your "good pen" - the one that always works, feels good in your hand, and never explodes in your pocket. Guard this pen closely. My good pen is a Pilot G2 Gel Ink Retractable Fine Point (0.7 mm) pen. NEVER LEND YOUR GOOD PEN TO ANYONE. Others should not know that you have a good pen. It is a mythical creature that only appears to write sympathy cards or take notes in rounds when you want them to be legible. This rule is nonnegotiable. Keep the good pen in a separate pocket if you need to. It does not leave your person.
3. Two (or more) should be "average pens" - these are acceptable, functional pens, but they are decidedly not in the league of awesome. Mine are free pens from the bank and the urgent care center. You can lend these pens to others, but only if they need it for a second and/or are highly trustworthy.
4. Lastly, have a truly shitty pen. This pen either feels really awkward in your hand or is otherwise irritating to use in some way. It should at least nominally work, because this is your first-in-line pen to lend to people who are likely to steal it. While you don't want to (in good faith) lend a high-risk candidate a totally non-functional pen, you should by all means lend out the pen that you'd most like to cull from the pen-herd.
5. When lending pens, do your best to supervise their use. Ask for them back (yes, even from the chief of service). If a repeat borrower has stolen pens in the past, they get the shitty pen (if they get lent a pen at all).
6. Do not set your pens down in public spaces. An unattended pen is a free pen!
*One of the ophtho residents is a renowned pen-stealer. My pen was gone within the first five minutes of seeing appointments on the first day of the rotation. The ophtho tech purchases a steady supply of pens particularly for this guy.
Pens are obviously necessary, and I lose them all the time. So does everyone else. Mostly they fall out of my pockets, or I set them down somewhere and then forget them. Or a resident takes my pen and never gives it back*.
Occasionally, pens fall into the enterotomy bucket. And sometimes (apparently) this happens:
I'm not entirely sure how. Anyway! I've developed some rules about pens.
Alacrity's Six Rules of Pen Management and Lending:
1. Have multiple pens. The composition of a good pen-stable is outlined herein:
2. At least one should be your "good pen" - the one that always works, feels good in your hand, and never explodes in your pocket. Guard this pen closely. My good pen is a Pilot G2 Gel Ink Retractable Fine Point (0.7 mm) pen. NEVER LEND YOUR GOOD PEN TO ANYONE. Others should not know that you have a good pen. It is a mythical creature that only appears to write sympathy cards or take notes in rounds when you want them to be legible. This rule is nonnegotiable. Keep the good pen in a separate pocket if you need to. It does not leave your person.
3. Two (or more) should be "average pens" - these are acceptable, functional pens, but they are decidedly not in the league of awesome. Mine are free pens from the bank and the urgent care center. You can lend these pens to others, but only if they need it for a second and/or are highly trustworthy.
4. Lastly, have a truly shitty pen. This pen either feels really awkward in your hand or is otherwise irritating to use in some way. It should at least nominally work, because this is your first-in-line pen to lend to people who are likely to steal it. While you don't want to (in good faith) lend a high-risk candidate a totally non-functional pen, you should by all means lend out the pen that you'd most like to cull from the pen-herd.
5. When lending pens, do your best to supervise their use. Ask for them back (yes, even from the chief of service). If a repeat borrower has stolen pens in the past, they get the shitty pen (if they get lent a pen at all).
6. Do not set your pens down in public spaces. An unattended pen is a free pen!
*One of the ophtho residents is a renowned pen-stealer. My pen was gone within the first five minutes of seeing appointments on the first day of the rotation. The ophtho tech purchases a steady supply of pens particularly for this guy.
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