last weekend of overnights:

Technician: "So...there's a heart failure dog back in wards that's supposedly on a dyspnea watch?"

(wards patients are not supervised by a human overnight. they get checked on twice.)

Alacrity:  "...is someone fucking with me?"

*flips table*

honesty ftw:

It's 6:30 am. I'm sitting next to a patient who is having trouble breathing. She's on oxygen, 7 CRIs (two of which are pressors), and her surgical site is coming apart.

The criticalist walks over and quietly assesses the situation:

Criticalist: "So...how's it going?"

Alacrity: "Ha! So, so badly!"

we've got problems:

Alacrity, during ICU rounds: "Okay, so this guy is getting a packed red blood cell transfusion. What was his pre-transfusion PCV?"

Student: "I think it was 12%."

Alacrity: "If I recall correctly, he's also pretty azotemic. How are his kidney values today?"

Student: "His creatinine was 12.6."

Alacrity: "Well, that sucks. Your PCV and your creatinine should not be the same number."

overheard at 7:30 am on a Sunday:

Surgery resident: "I'm a grown-ass man! I will get a damn betta fish if I want one!"

prerequisites:

Overnight tech: "You know, one of the key features of a good technician are massive breasts. They are so useful - it's like having a third arm."

overnights are weird:

Overnight student: "Have you heard about the woman that knits out of her vagina?"

Alacrity:

thanks galleryhip.com