honesty ftw:

It's 6:30 am. I'm sitting next to a patient who is having trouble breathing. She's on oxygen, 7 CRIs (two of which are pressors), and her surgical site is coming apart.

The criticalist walks over and quietly assesses the situation:

Criticalist: "So...how's it going?"

Alacrity: "Ha! So, so badly!"

redundancy is pretty great:

Technician: "You have to write a prescription for the packed red blood cell unit."

Student: *writes prescription*

Technician: "It has to say, 'for transfusion in ICU'."

Student: "'For transfusion in ICU'?!? Of course it's for a transfusion in the ICU! What else would it be for, a satanic ritual?"

we've got problems:

Alacrity, during ICU rounds: "Okay, so this guy is getting a packed red blood cell transfusion. What was his pre-transfusion PCV?"

Student: "I think it was 12%."

Alacrity: "If I recall correctly, he's also pretty azotemic. How are his kidney values today?"

Student: "His creatinine was 12.6."

Alacrity: "Well, that sucks. Your PCV and your creatinine should not be the same number."

overheard at 7:30 am on a Sunday:

Surgery resident: "I'm a grown-ass man! I will get a damn betta fish if I want one!"