after collecting a stallion:

therio resident: "Well, most of it ran down my leg."

while preparing to collect a stallion:

me: "How does Winston prefer the artificial vagina?"

therio resident: "He likes it hot and sloppy."

today we had wine rounds.

What are wine rounds, you ask?

After our epic day of receiving cases, a total hip replacement, and a flexor tendon surgery, we rounded on the hospitalized patients while drinking wine.

Out of urine cups.

We're classy.

at the nurses' station:

orthopedic surgeon: "You know, you can get Sharpie off of radiographs with alcohol."

resident: "The drinking kind, or the rubbing kind?"

yes, thank you for that helpful insight:

Me: "Do you have any particular tips on writing orthopedics discharge statements?  I know each service has different preferences."

Intern: "Well, they should be complete."

with a condom!

The other day, we scoped a dog with:

1) a golf ball
2) a large piece of ruminant hoof

in his stomach.  Let me tell you, a slippery golf ball is really hard to grab.
After we tried the little endoscopy net and grabbers, we then moved on to using a condom (Magnum, since apparently they're the largest.  Who knew?  Not me.), a plastic lunch baggie, and then...

(drumroll please)

...a sterile ultrasound probe cover (read: GIANT condom)!  And it worked!

The medicine resident delicately scooped the golf ball into the giant condom and pulled it up the esophagus and out the dog's mouth.  It was awesome.

oncology resident, giving life advice:

1. Show up on time.
2. Do your work.
3. Keep your mouth shut!

during intern rounds:

surgeon: " do you herd the maggots?"