Showing posts with label narnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narnia. Show all posts

containers (and their contents!) that have spilled in my car:

1. Chinese food for 25 people.

To be fair, it was just the sauces. Lots and lots of sauces!

Okay, so my parents went to college together and were members of their school's science fiction and fantasy society. This group got together frequently during college and played games - tabletops and RPGs (role-playing games, for the non-nerds among you). One RPG emerged as dominant when graduation approached - a campaign run by a guy named Dale.

Dale's game had about 15-20 players (my parents among them), and continued after graduation in a semi-annual pattern. As the players dispersed and found fairly permanent places to work/live/have families, the players with bigger residences stepped up to host the game. This tradition continues now, even some thirty-odd years later.

The winter game is hosted on the east coast, and the summer game happens on the west coast (sometimes in the midwest). This is an effort to vaguely equalize travel headaches/expenses across all players. Oftentimes players' significant others and/or kids come as well. Attendance is obviously not mandatory. The game proper is played for 2-3 days, and we fill the rest of the time with tabletop games, random outings, and socializing with one another.

I grew up with this awesomeness. As in, it was not unusual to have a large group of adults descend on the house, sleep four to a room (including in closets), cook gallons of hot sauce from scratch (yes), and spend 10-12 hours a day in the basement poring over a vinyl map with tiny figurines on it.

So! Fast forward to me in college (or possibly early vet school, I'm not sure) and home for winter break. My parents are hosting the game, and we'd ordered Chinese food for dinner. Alas, the Chinese restaurant did not deliver. I volunteered to go pick up the food, and this tall, bear-like guy named Brian came with me. Brian is pretty fantastic. He told me hilarious stories as we drove across town.

When we got to the restaurant, it was readily apparent that the huge volume of food we had ordered was not adequately packaged for transport. I think we had maxed out the restaurant's size limits on to-go containers. The waiter handed us roughly a zillion boxes of rice and packets of fortune cookies in some plastic grocery bags, which presented no problems. The hot, saucy food was another matter. I regarded the eight large, flimsy boats with some trepidation. The boats were that same bendy foil that they use to make disposable loaf pans, and the lids were...vaguely secured to the tops. Each boat was about the size of a smallish sheet cake.

Brian's eyes got big and he shook his head. He helped me carry the food to the car, where we tried to find the best arrangement for minimizing jostling. You guys, I drove home so carefully. Each turn, brake, and acceleration was gentle and smooth. When we reached my house, I saw that the sauces from the boats had carefully, gently and smoothly fountained all over the backseat, other stuff in the car, and into the rivulets that hold the front seats.

Let me tell you, that was a fantastically awesome next hour or so.  The floor mats in the backseat still have some ambiguous brown stains.

2. A gallon jug of Dawn dish soap.

We've discussed this. In short, I purchased said jug of Dawn and left it in my car for several months. It opened and all the Dawn leaked into/across my backseat. One corner of the seat is still sticky and blue-green.

3. A large, full sharps container.

thanks, smartpractice.com

So, I used to work for a large mostly equine, mostly sports medicine practice before I went to vet school. They did some lameness work for the Narnia farm, which is how I got the opportunity to work there. It was fantastic! I loved it. Full marks.

One ambulatory vet at that practice had the habit of breaking open the plastic top of the sharps container in her truck so she could dump it at the clinic and avoid getting a new sharps container. This is obvs NOT what you are supposed to do with your sharps container. Anyway!  One day, this vet and I were at the Narnia farm, examining some horses until late. I was living at the clinic at the time, and she asked me to empty her full sharps container when I got back so she could go straight home.

I settled the several gallon, stuffed-to-the-gills sharps container in my backseat, and on the way to the clinic (you saw this coming) it tipped over. The broken plastic top fell off, and scads of needles, catheter stylets, spinal needles, and glass syringes (joint injections, friends) trickled into the nether regions of my backseat.

I retrieved...most of them when I got to the clinic. I found a glass syringe under the driver's seat many months after that job ended.

quotes from the Narnia farm:

Okay, you may remember that I worked as a groom for a while before going to vet school. Let's call my bosses Susan (Olympic rider) and Jennifer (Susan's romantic/business partner), and their stable the Narnia farm.

Susan had a habit of stating exactly what she was thinking:

"TERRRRRRRRIBLE! That was TERRRRRRRRRIBLE!!!" - after a student jumped a fence

"A good horseman would have done it quickly, without making a big deal out of it!" - to me, after I adjusted a horse's flash noseband

"Yeah...you're a wimp."

"Do you speak English?"

Often ringside, publicly, at large horse shows:

"You're a paid professional! This isn't Pony Club!"

"MOTHERFUCKER! Get your act together!"

Actually, Jennifer had a similar habit:

"A fucking stallion? I mean, that's what he does, right?"

"You like my pants? The old Gap pants that come right up to your boobs?"

"Nothing like shoeing on a wet mat." - Farrier
"Yeah, but you've got these big nipples!" - Jennifer

"I'm not having all this sex in my barn! Tighten up!"

"I love a clean barn. It really turns me on."

"Just do my balls."

"It's a fucking blower! Excuse me."

"Fucking golf carts! Oh, hi Amanda."

Granted, we grooms said some strange things ourselves:

"It's like he shits through a cheese grater!"

"You can't polish a turd and make it a diamond."

"Please refrain from demolishing my face."

"C'mon, vacuum! Pull your shit together!"

"Hey, do you remember what to do when the walker says, 'FOOL' and stops working?"

"Is that a Sour Patch Kid on the windshield wiper? [it was, actually]"

"How much shit can you fit in the shitter...[singing]"

"I can't imagine what I would do if I got my pants torn off by a horse." - Alacrity
"I've gotten my pants torn off, but not by a horse." - Farrier

Ah, memories! Don't you want to work there? It was pretty awesome.

a stablehand in real life:

Before I went to vet school, I spent some time working as a groom for an upper level jumper rider. It was an inordinately stressful experience, but I learned a few weird/valuable lessons AND (most importantly) I had a lot of fun.

I worked for two women, who we'll call Susan (rider) and Jennifer (her romantic/business partner) We were a staff of 6-10 people, depending on the season and how successful Jennifer was at hiring replacements for the constant staff turnover. We also all lived in an apartment above the barn.  This was mostly cool with me, except for when:

1) one of my co-workers was a drug dealer and stole money from me/other co-workers/the farm.

2) Jennifer unknowingly hired a person who smuggled saddles out of her last place of work shortly before being fired. Her last boss contacted Jennifer, who then sent me to "supervise" this poor woman as she packed her things and left.  Wow, that was terribly awkward.

I worked very, very hard. It was my first experience working regular twelve hour days, with the occasional memorable stretch of several eighteen hour days in a row.  It was good, honest work. Cleaning stalls, scrubbing buckets, grooming/tacking up/caring for horses, tidying up the barn, and wrapping horses' legs are all tasks I love to do, and the horses were absolutely magnificent.

Plus, I learned some highly fancy medicine. Nothing like working for an Olympic rider to see the best equine sports medicine in existence!  Fun times.