I had this patient the other day who needed abdominal radiographs, and since the radiology technician was at lunch, I decided to take them myself.
That was silly. Here is how it went:
First I found a technician assistant (TA) and a visiting student to help me. I asked the TA if she knew how to set up the system (she did), so while that was happening the student and I got the dog on the table and on his back. He was a big fellow, and he wasn't very keen on being on his back.
I tape the dog's hind legs to the table, get dressed in lead, and hold his front end still.
The machine whirrs and makes a funny sound.
Okay, so I start setting up the system again while the student holds the dog. A passing technician sees how this is going (not well), and comes over to help. The dog escapes and starts vomiting. We clean up, regroup, and get the dog back on the table.
I re-tape his hind legs, get dressed in lead, and hold his front end still (again). The dog wriggles. The radiologist (Dr. Nell, who has apparently been watching this whole thing) snickers. This conversation happens:
Dr. Nell: "ALACRITY!"
Alacrity: "WHAT."
Dr. Nell: "USE BONDAGE!"
Alacrity: "I AM using bondage!"
Radiology technician returns from lunch at this point, assesses the situation, and joins in:
Radiology technician: "Did you have to hold the dog in the worst way possible?"
Alacrity: "Come on, man! I'm wearing lead and everything!"
RT: "Yes, but did you have to sprawl across the table so you're spraying your entire body with radiation?"
It was basically awesome. But I got diagnostic films!