a sampling of an average ER shift:

1. "I won't let you examine my dog."

Are you even serious?  Go home.

2. "But you guys told me the last time I was here that his kidneys don't work because of all the blood in his liver."

Hmm...

3. "She's feral. Have you ever touched a feral cat before? You won't be able to touch her."

Watch this: examine cat. Success!

4. "Why aren't you ultrasounding him now?" (It is 2:45 am)

Our radiologist sleeps, sometimes.

5. "Can't you send her home with the catheter so I don't have to give her pills?"

No.

6. "What if I just watch her at home?" (cat is in respiratory distress)

Do you have an oxygen cage at home?

7. "Do you have a drug that will just make him better for a little while?"

No.

8. "I'm taking her to another hospital because I read bad reviews of this place on the internet."

Okay!

9. "I won't let you take her out of my sight!"

Seriously? See #1.

10. "Why do you have to do all of these tests to figure out what's wrong with him?"

I can't even.