Alacrity, texting: "Have you guys ever accidentally texted 'neutropenis'?"
Oncology technician: "Um...no?"
*surgeon sitting nearby begins laughing*
Surgeon: "I'm going to call you 'Neutropenis' now."
Alacrity: "Awesome."
a right raleigh
mischief, measure, and veterinary medicine.
last weekend of overnights:
Technician: "So...there's a heart failure dog back in wards that's supposedly on a dyspnea watch?"
(wards patients are not supervised by a human overnight. they get checked on twice.)
Alacrity: "...is someone fucking with me?"
*flips table*
(wards patients are not supervised by a human overnight. they get checked on twice.)
Alacrity: "...is someone fucking with me?"
*flips table*
in the icu:
Student: "Why is this dog's fentanyl patch so weirdly located?"
Alacrity: "Dr. [Surgeon] specifically wanted the fentanyl patch placed in this dog's inguinal region."
Student: "Is it okay that it's touching his schvantzer?"
Alacrity: "I don't know, but Dr. [Surgeon] wants it there and she's an awful lot more board-certified than I am."
Alacrity: "Dr. [Surgeon] specifically wanted the fentanyl patch placed in this dog's inguinal region."
Student: "Is it okay that it's touching his schvantzer?"
Alacrity: "I don't know, but Dr. [Surgeon] wants it there and she's an awful lot more board-certified than I am."
fun with the pharmacy, once again:
Alacrity: "Hey, you guys?"
Oncology tech #1: "Yup?"
Alacrity: "On a scale of one to ten..."
Oncology tech #2: "...go on..."
Alacrity: "How annoying do you think it would be to convince the pharmacy to-"
Oncology tech #1: "Sixteen."
Alacrity: "Ah."
Oncology tech #1: "Yup?"
Alacrity: "On a scale of one to ten..."
Oncology tech #2: "...go on..."
Alacrity: "How annoying do you think it would be to convince the pharmacy to-"
Oncology tech #1: "Sixteen."
Alacrity: "Ah."
we're making this up as we go:
Alacrity: "So, [Patient] is currently failing her seventh rescue protocol."
Oncologist: "What are you going to treat her with tomorrow?"
Oncology resident: "I was thinking vinblastine and metronomic cytosine arabinoside."
Oncologist: "That's...a silly plan."
Alacrity: "Do you have a better plan?"
Oncologist: "Nope! Let's do it."
Oncologist: "What are you going to treat her with tomorrow?"
Oncology resident: "I was thinking vinblastine and metronomic cytosine arabinoside."
Oncologist: "That's...a silly plan."
Alacrity: "Do you have a better plan?"
Oncologist: "Nope! Let's do it."
that's specific:
Pathologist: "I don't know about you, but as a specialist I really hate it when how I do my job gets micromanaged down to the gnat's asshole."
honesty ftw:
It's 6:30 am. I'm sitting next to a patient who is having trouble breathing. She's on oxygen, 7 CRIs (two of which are pressors), and her surgical site is coming apart.
The criticalist walks over and quietly assesses the situation:
Criticalist: "So...how's it going?"
Alacrity: "Ha! So, so badly!"
The criticalist walks over and quietly assesses the situation:
Criticalist: "So...how's it going?"
Alacrity: "Ha! So, so badly!"
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